Oh come all ye massive. - Pope holds beach party to rival Fat Boy Slim's infamous gatherings in Brighton
|Posted by RadioActiveFM on July 29, 2013 at 6:30 AM|
After a 3 week stint in Ibiza the new Pope jetted into Rio De Janeiro to deliver bass on the beach for an estimated 3 million people.
The party is already being dubbed 'Popestock', others talked of 'bass & mass-by-the-Sea'.
The multitude of party goers were in awe as Pope Francis dropped tunes from his bulletproof dj booth. The highlights were Skrillex's remix of Iron Maiden's 'The Number Of The Beast', the 'Pentecostal Reboot' of the recent Bauuer smash hit, cheekily entitled 'Do The Vatican Shake', an unreleased David Guetta 'EDM remix' of Barry Manilow's 'Copacabana', the 'Pope Don't Do Dope re-rise' mix of 'God Is A Dj' by Faithless. Then, to great applause he ended the party with an exclusive Deadmau5 remix of Cliff Richard's 'The Lord's Prayer'.
Later, when quizzed by reporters from the Daily Prayer newspaper, Pope Francis shrugged off comments saying he was "playing a pre-recorded set as he couldn't mix for Toffee", and "how was it he was seen praying for 15 minutes, mid mix!?" He responded by saying "i come from the Paris Hilton school of mixing, i still think you can have a spiritual experience on the dancefloor even if i'm not doing anything behind the decks other than waving a Vatican flag, and anyway, who cares, we're still getting paid"
Admission was free but contributions were welcomed by a team of helpers who walked among the crowds, with bowls. The bowls were later used for a "Condom Amnesty" The helpers also handed out small white disc type objects which were apparently .."bread"...
Unfortunately the success of the show was marred by several people needing hospital treatment after being crucified, 1.5 million instances of unprotected sex, and an estimated 945 million sins were committed, including Homosexuals kissing each other, despite message boards warning them they were 'doomed to eternal suffering'.
The Pope stayed in Brazil for a week, and was reported to have chilled out on the 7th day with well-wishers, assorted hangers-on and weepy-eyed Atheists. The after party had a "Strictly Over 16" door policy.
When interviewed, one of the party organizers said "We got through 5000 portions of fish n chips, 6,010,329 bottles of water...eerm? i mean wine, 832,1200114 wafers & 3,001,237 pairs of sandals"
..Now that's a party!
The church has announced Glastonbury as the location for the next Catholic yout festival in 2016.
The Pope's 'Best Of Pope Music ' album is out soon. Availble at I Tunes, Beatport & Amazon.
~Oddjob. July 2013.